Esquire – May 2010 – Women. The Issue

In a daydream sort of mood – maybe its the summer vacation fever, maybe its the 100+ degree weather, maybe its just thinking about boys and girls (and listening to Ingrid Michaelson) and relationships in general.   Simultaneously makes me feel all warm and tingly and impatient and frustrated and like all the organs in my rib cage are humming, but all in all, this girl could use a good sweeping off her feet.  Un coup de coeur.  And on that note, a few excerpts from the Intro addressing women:

Tagline: Women.  You’re hard to get to know.

“You remember which one of us you kissed first; we remember you too.  You think we kissed you, but you kissed us.  You cheat as much as we do, which is too bad for us, because we’re more trusting.  Your peak, in all things, is forty-four years of age.  That’s not to say you weren’t hot when you were younger: You were a knockout at twenty-six.  The funny thing about you is, you think you’re hotter now, so you are.”

“Your hearts beat faster than ours yet you live longer.  That doesn’t make any sense.  You have better balance, but you can’t hold your breath as long.  You were born and you will die with the same forehead.”

“You look better to us when you drink beer out of the bottle, when you play bass guitar in an otherwise all-male band, when you wear cotton briefs rather than a thong, and when you wear clear nail polish or none at all.  You also look awesome in a flannel shirt.  Apparently, you look best to us when you look like a man – specifically, a drunk lumberjack with rhythm.  That doesn’t make any sense either.”

“You still catch yourself wondering what your life would have been like with him long after we’ve forgotten about her.  You hope it will be something quiet and minor and peaceful and slow, too.  You’ll miss us when we’re gone, but not as much as we would miss you.  Maybe that’s why we die first.  Your hearts beat faster, but they have less blood to push.”

“You know who you are.”


~ by drywoodburstingintoflame on July 6, 2010.

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